Withdrawing consent and stopping

The rule

Consent can be withdrawn at any point, for any reason or none, including mid-act, including after enthusiastic participation, including if you initiated. Continuing after withdrawal is sexual assault in the criminal law of England and Wales, Scotland, Canada, Australia, most US states, and across the Istanbul Convention signatories. It is not a grey area and has been tested in case law — Canada's R v J.A. (2011) established that consent must be operative throughout, and that advance consent to acts during unconsciousness is not valid.

How to stop

• "Stop." / "I need to stop."
• "Red." (if a traffic-light system is in use)
• "I need a minute."
• Physically moving away, going still, pushing a hand away, tapping out.

A stop signal does not need to be polite, clear, well-timed or explained. If you are unable to speak, any signal you can produce counts. Pre-agreeing a non-verbal signal — a double tap, dropping a held object, a squeeze — matters for anyone who might be gagged, non-speaking, or prone to freezing.

When you are the person being stopped

Stop immediately. Not after finishing, not after one more thrust, not after asking why.

Then: withdraw contact, cover them if they want covering, ask what they need, and give it. Do not ask what went wrong, do not ask if it was your fault, do not apologise at length in a way that requires them to reassure you. Managing your feelings is your job, not theirs.

Reactions that cause documented additional harm: sulking, going silent, expressing hurt, demanding an explanation, arguing that they seemed fine, raising it repeatedly afterwards, or bringing it up as evidence in a later disagreement.

Freezing is common

Many people cannot speak or move when they want an encounter to stop. Tonic immobility is an involuntary defence response, not a decision. Möller et al. (2017) found 70 percent of women attending a rape clinic reported significant tonic immobility during the assault, with 48 percent reporting extreme immobility; these participants had markedly higher rates of PTSD and depression at six months.

This has two implications. If you froze, you did not consent, and the freeze was not compliance. If you are the active partner, absence of resistance is not evidence of agreement — check verbally when someone goes quiet or still, and treat unresponsiveness as a stop signal, not a green light.

After stopping

There is no obligation to continue with anything else, explain the reason, apologise, or reassure the other person. Physical arousal at the time of stopping is irrelevant: genital response is a reflex and does not indicate consent or desire. Arousal non-concordance is well documented (Chivers et al., 2010, meta-analysis), and physiological response during assault — including orgasm — is reported and does not imply consent. This is a common source of self-blame and it is not supported by the physiology.

Aftercare is worth arranging: water, warmth, a familiar person, quiet, food. Stopping an encounter can produce a physiological drop similar to the one after an intense scene.

When stopping is unsafe

If you fear violence, staying still, complying, or de-escalating is a legitimate survival strategy. Nothing about it makes what happens consensual, and no self-blame is warranted. Afterwards: a sexual assault referral centre, a sexual health clinic, a trusted person, or a helpline. Forensic evidence can be collected without a decision to report, and in most services samples can be stored while you decide. PEP for HIV must be started within 72 hours to be effective, and emergency contraception within 72–120 hours depending on the method, so time-critical care is worth accessing even if nothing else is decided yet.

Sources

• R v J.A., 2011 SCC 28 (Supreme Court of Canada) — consent must be operative throughout.
• Sexual Offences Act 2003 (England and Wales), sections 1–4 and the definition of consent in section 74.
• Möller A et al. "Tonic immobility during sexual assault." Acta Obstetricia et Gynecologica Scandinavica, 2017.
• Chivers ML et al. "Agreement of self-reported and genital measures of sexual arousal: a meta-analysis." Archives of Sexual Behavior, 2010.
• Levin RJ, van Berlo W. "Sexual arousal and orgasm in subjects who experience forced or non-consensual sexual stimulation — a review." Journal of Clinical Forensic Medicine, 2004.
• Faculty of Forensic and Legal Medicine and BASHH. Guidance on the management of adults after sexual assault, current edition.

Last reviewed: August 2026.